Not a blog I ever thought I'd write.

I hadn’t felt well in months. I was constantly tired and lethargic, I had a really poor appetite especially in the evenings that came with nausea if I ate dinner too late and I had unexplained bouts of weakness that made sitting down a swift necessity. I blamed it on the menopause, stress around Mum’s fall and subsequent brain injury and any number of other things; but truth be told, by the time I was symptomatic the cancer had already spread from my biliary tract into my liver and surgeries and cures were no longer options.

I know this is a really shocking blog post for many of you to read but more than anything else you need to grasp as you read it is that I have an enormous sense of peace. I’m not looking forward to either the chemotherapy that starts this week (Joe and I have a goal in mind of a good family Christmas with our 4 kids, our grandson and our kiwi family coming home in December and chemo is the best chance of that) or the progress of the disease itself – it would be strange if I was! However, on a moment to moment basis I know God’s love, grace and provision in a way I have never truly experienced before. I try to explain about this tangible “outpouring of grace” that I’m experiencing but it’s very hard to put into actual words. God has given me an image from His word that helps me describe it but whether it makes sense to you or not is another thing;

Psalm 133:2 New International Version

“It is like precious oil poured on the head,

running down on the beard,

running down on Aaron’s beard,

down on the collar of his robe.”

There’s holy oil, in all its fragrant, lovely richness, covering me when I need it most and because of this my overriding emotion is gratitude.

We’re enjoying precious family time and are just back from a couple of days up north as well as a great family photo shoot for posterity down at Castle Ward. These times are so important to us; we are consciously living in the moment and creating special memories.

Please know that God is providing for my every need. He has gone before me with love and compassion, preparing every point of support and contact that I will need. And although it makes me sad to think of my family missing me when I’m not here I know that the LORD will look after them just as He is looking after me.

I would ask that you don’t message me at this time. I know you’re all thinking of me and that you care but comments and messages would be very overwhelming.

I’ll blog occasionally during this process; letting you know how I’m doing and what God is teaching me and doing for me. Pray for us as a family and please thank God for His perfect care and love.